May 26, 2003
Thor (our son) was very sick on Friday and I could not take it. I just went into a total panic. I imagine it is the plague, and what is to keep some Spanish influenza from striking again soon and how the fuck do you survive that? How do you care youre your loved ones and yourself and how fuckin awful is it to love folks and live with that vulnerability of your heart? I go right into disaster thinking and I imagine the funeral and try to accept it, like I try to experience the worst so it cant take me by surprise or hurt me and it just is awful, coz I end up feeling like it is all my fault and hating that I love so much, so deeply and how fuckin fragile we are. And Thor whooped ass on the flu thing in him, the next day the fever was down and by today he was back to normal drivin us nuts, but last night there was an earthquake. It was small enuff, but got my heart goin and made me pray that we wont like on the west coast when the big one hits. I dont like being that vulnerable. Ive lived in places that got floods, snow storms, hurricanes, even locusts, but at least we got a heads up. I dont like being in my Horton Hears A Who pajamas and getting shook outta bed
I dont like the idea that one could hit and we wont be all together. I wont know where to meet up, or what if something happens
like, oh G-d, I just want to live someplace where they have good old-fashioned tornados. So kid goin up wall, we took him to a movie he wanted to see. The new Neil Labute film. Uh, just kidding.
Today, I did see that great work of art playin in local film houses, "Daddy Day Care"! We went as a happy family, Astor, Speedie, Thor and me. Uh, but I kinda ruined it, when in middle of the film, our son demanded a lollypop coz he was, like me, bored shitless, and Astor asked if I would give him a piece of chocolate but he KNEW it was wasabi ginger flavor (Thank you Mr. English!), and I felt like Astor was blaming me for not bringing something for our kid, so I said, "it will burn his fuckin mouth!" and I said it way too loud! The theatre was filled with kids, and there was a loud gasp, and I felt way horrible. I had no control, the rage was just there. It scared me. Even Eddie Murphy didn't sully his mouth that way. I am hopeless in theses situations.
But I didnt walk out. I stayed to the bitter end and just stared at Speedie when the lights came on like she was the one that dealt the offending FUCK. Our kid is goin to be a very interesting mix. Yes I should be workin on book, they want it by the end of summer, and I am not leaving the house till it is done, well except to see high art like Daddy fuckin Day Care! So, uh... yeah.. back to book.
Oh, got stories / interviews in:
June Interview Magazine (me interviewing Stephan Jenkins)
A story (with photos of me that are so dang sexy!) in Spring / Summer Black Book Mag.
Zwan interview in Sleaze issue of Spin
And one in UK Mag Gay Times (May issue) interviewin with me, cute pics if I do say so myself.
Did I say I dislike earthquakes? Astor made ice cream and wild salmon from Alaska cooked on a cedar plank we got. Man, it was all-good.
I dont like the idea that one could hit and we wont be all together. I wont know where to meet up, or what if something happens
like, oh G-d, I just want to live someplace where they have good old-fashioned tornados. So kid goin up wall, we took him to a movie he wanted to see. The new Neil Labute film. Uh, just kidding.
Today, I did see that great work of art playin in local film houses, "Daddy Day Care"! We went as a happy family, Astor, Speedie, Thor and me. Uh, but I kinda ruined it, when in middle of the film, our son demanded a lollypop coz he was, like me, bored shitless, and Astor asked if I would give him a piece of chocolate but he KNEW it was wasabi ginger flavor (Thank you Mr. English!), and I felt like Astor was blaming me for not bringing something for our kid, so I said, "it will burn his fuckin mouth!" and I said it way too loud! The theatre was filled with kids, and there was a loud gasp, and I felt way horrible. I had no control, the rage was just there. It scared me. Even Eddie Murphy didn't sully his mouth that way. I am hopeless in theses situations.
But I didnt walk out. I stayed to the bitter end and just stared at Speedie when the lights came on like she was the one that dealt the offending FUCK. Our kid is goin to be a very interesting mix. Yes I should be workin on book, they want it by the end of summer, and I am not leaving the house till it is done, well except to see high art like Daddy fuckin Day Care! So, uh... yeah.. back to book.
Oh, got stories / interviews in:
June Interview Magazine (me interviewing Stephan Jenkins)
A story (with photos of me that are so dang sexy!) in Spring / Summer Black Book Mag.
Zwan interview in Sleaze issue of Spin
And one in UK Mag Gay Times (May issue) interviewin with me, cute pics if I do say so myself.
Did I say I dislike earthquakes? Astor made ice cream and wild salmon from Alaska cooked on a cedar plank we got. Man, it was all-good.
posted by JT LeRoy at 4:26 AM
<< Home