May 16, 2003
Hi y’all,
I aint wrote in a time. Just been in my head too much, tryin to get my footing, these “outings” are hard, coz my usual life takes place in my room, in our house. (Our = me, Astor, Speedie and our son Thor.) I do not usually go out and attend parties, shows, readings, premieres, etc… I very much live in extremes, when I am out and am out, I have no choice in a way. And I use to get through it and that does not work for me. I have not learned balance yet and maybe I never will. What works best is me just writing, in our living room, finding out what I feel, who the fuck I am. This is goin to be short, I think…
About NY, it was swell, we raised some funds for McAuley and no one got hurt. What more can ya ask for? I was really relieved that it all went as swimmingly as it did. It was great that a lot of y’all were there. That felt really magical. Fleshing ourselves out from the screened in world in which we live. It was hard to keep focused, it was overwhelming and I was just tryin to take it in. Arthur Bradford’s song made me cry. It was so funny, clever, moving and just wonderful… he was first and what all he said and how he said/ sang it broke cracked the layer I had around me, and was like a fishhook draggin me into my body and feeling. I didn’t stay there – present, feeling, but for that time… it was safe to and it felt good. It was all very intense and I pulled back till I was just watching it from a pinhole. Thistle playing was great, coz I know folks was waiting to see if we suck. And they were really great, Speedie spoke to the audience and they really brought that family thing, inclusive – instead of that, “we’re here, yer not, look at us, aren’t we the coolest…” bullshit. And the were great. Folks that I KNOW would be honest, if not to me, then to their manger Brian Young. Debbie Harry, Tatum O’Neal, Asia Argento and Shirley Manson all said they were fuckin great. They said swell stuff to Speedie, to me, to Astor and we tried to hold on to it. Speedie said she felt like Cinderella. I think we all did. Now she ain’t in no Gary Graham hand sewn on dress, I can tell ya that! No make-up, which is the usal and what we all prefer, coz she hates takin the shit off and we have to live with a girl that has days old make-up on, and it gets on the towels like she is leaking ink. She is wearing thick socks, thermal underwear, a plaid nightshirt (it is chilly here) and a fuckin beret. She is tryin to talk on the phone and I am reading this to her to distract her. It is not working. Astor is making a split pea soup. He is the cook and caretaker and makes the best soup and thank the Lord for him. Thor is playing a video game on his PC, no play station in this house, not yet anyways.
Pittsburgh was fun, very laid back. Our hotel was right across from the baseball stadium so Astor took Thor while Speedie and me walked along the river and digested it all. There was a restaurant with Easter eggs for kids, and we gave a few to Thor and then we stood there opening them to find the stuff we wanted. The staff was uh, horrified, but said nothing. We were helpless in the face of free CANDY. And all the shows were done. After so long of preparing and all that went into getting ready, it was all over, this was our day off. We left the next day for back home.
Thor said, “how come you get to eat so much candy.” And I said uh, sagely, “Coz we’re bigger.” But that worked and we tried to be more discreet as we stuffed Peanut Butter cups into our mouths.
Speedie& I worked out on the plane ride back, she taught me how. She is friendly to the staff and they let us hang in the back. We held the sitting/ squat position for 4 minutes, one of the flight attendants timed us. We did standing up pushups against the galley back wall in the plane. I don’t know what Speedie did in the bathroom, but she came out with quite a sweat. Just kidding. The next day Zwan was here, and Billy Corgan came over to our house, which was really fun. He laughed when he saw our living room – where I write, the stacks of stuff – the mess. He said he wanted to see where it all takes place and as he did, his facial expression was very similar to the waitresses in Pittsburgh watching their Easter Eggs raped. It is a big mess. Thor got Billy to watch him play a video game, Lego Island Racing, I am sure it was the highlight of Billy’s tour.
He and Speedie disappeared together - we met up after the show. I heard they had matzoh ball soup. Jimmy Chamberlain offered to give Thor a drumming lesson, which Thor wants. Speedie was on the side backstage, we were in the audience. The show was mind-blowing. It was. Billy is. Get the new Zwan if y’all ain’t yet. We been listening to it non-stop… I really am now into that song Heartsong… “I still love my mom…” makes me…
The next night we all went out to this really amazing vegetarian gourmet restaurant, Millennium,. I was gonna write about it and they used that we were there for some gossip columns so it was free. And I wanted to take Billy out, coz I think folks always expect him to pay, and he knows I ain’t got no money and I don’t. Really. Maybe one day that will change, but for now… every month is a hustle. Billy left a $100 tip. The story I wrote about the dinner will be out in 7x7 mag soon. He liked the story. I nailed some shit that I didn’t know, couldn’t express until I wrote it. Billy agreed with it. It is strange how I can feel something and not know it, understand it in this part of my brain, but it is wrapped up, until I write and then I go, “aha!” I have no idea, just like a vague tingle like an asleep limp is slowly being stepped on, and it takes walkin on it some for the life to flow back into it… but it comes, uh, moves me some place else…
Arthur Bradford came to town and this guy Chris Sullivan, fuckin legend of a guy, he wrote this exhaustive book on punk called, well, “PUNKS”. We happened to have it, I didn’t even know who he was till we were scarfing sushi with him. They want to put Thistle in the first issue of the new mag he is doing with Marlon Richards in the UK. It was great to see Arthur here in SF right after NY. I do dig that guy, ever person does, he is charismatic like that. He interviewed me for the next issue of 7x7, their anniversary. He was here for Egger’s wedding. I do love Dave and know him and Vendela will continue bringin’ wonderful gifts to the world. I got to speak to Zadie Smith (author of White Teeth), she said great stuff to me, givin’ me confidence and permission to write that lasted a whole weekend!
Some other stuff, y’all should check out: Strapped For Cash, by Mack Friedman
Here is an excerpt:
http://www.alyson.com/html/strapped/strapped_excrpt.html
It is fuckin great book! Just check it out… buy it, you will be impressed.
What I am reading, or was, Motherless Brooklyn by Jonathan Lethem, very into it but I lost it somefuckinhow! And I LOVED it. So into it. So until I get to a book store and can steal another one, heh-heh, did I say steal? I meant buy, buy, buy… yeah, I started reading the BFI Film Classics which is “a series of succinct, finely written,
beautifully illustrated books that honor the great films of world cinema…” So they ask different writers to write about a film. And actually they asked me to write about My Own Private Idaho and I am very excited about doing it. I just read Salmon Rushdie on Wizard of Oz. I think the Wizard of Oz, like all films or books or records that have great resonance, deals in the universal unconscious. I am massively moved by Mr. Rushdie's ability to translate the language of the unconscious. And I think I have that about Idaho. I haven’t explored all of what that films means to me, pulled back the layers, what it means to others… I am looking forward to the journey. I hope they still want me to do it.
I also got way into MTV’s Real World/ Road Rules Battle of the Sexes. I fuckin dug that show. And I have to say, I so like Ruthie. She always is so fuckin just… great. I love the t-shirt she wore that said, “I lie to boys” on it. Right on Ruthie! She just has so much heart, passion and in those shows, yer fuckin core comes out, her essence is just so pure guts and heart. She’s got her shit, but she battles with it as honestly as she can. When the folks on the show, her group, hear about the next fucked up challenge she just laughs, she’s game. And she is one of the few that does not come from privilege, she’s suffered and has the core to show for it. I never thought I would be waxin all over a reality show someone, but man, I wish there were more Ruthies in the world.
I am into like the rest of the world, the new White Stripes. The Statistics (on Jade Tree) and this band I really like called Earlimart http://www.earlimartmusic.com/
Stuff is startin to really happen for Thistle and we be excited, and I’ve been writing a lotta music, all us, Astor, Speedie and me in our kitchen, and that fills me more then most anything. Even more then dark organic chocolate. Which I am out of coz Speedie found my fuckin supply. I need to tape in to my stomach Midnight Express style, but look where it got Billy Hayes. Do they make dark organic chocolate in Turkey?
The Heart Is Deceitful Film is happening and it is so scary, exhilarating and challenging. Winona is in the film and I don’t know what I am allowed to say or not so until I clear with Asia, I gotta… ya know, shut-up. We finished the script, just goin over it, she really is involving me, which is both painful and moving. I try to remove myself emotionally from the subject and just remove the feelings, be subjective so I can be of some use. Otherwise it gets… messy… I cant future trip. About anything. Day At A Time gotta be where I be at ya know.
Ok, I gotta eat some of that soup, I hear Astor’s spoon clinkin and I think that is a passive-aggressive way of him sayin it is done, coz he aint got out the cowbell and hollered, “Soups on!” like he soup dagnamit! Cant get decent caretakin round here!
D’oh!
Thanks again for all y’alls bein there and just remember, I want to fuck shit up (in a munificent way), so get into the art, not the creator.
Yours, JT
I aint wrote in a time. Just been in my head too much, tryin to get my footing, these “outings” are hard, coz my usual life takes place in my room, in our house. (Our = me, Astor, Speedie and our son Thor.) I do not usually go out and attend parties, shows, readings, premieres, etc… I very much live in extremes, when I am out and am out, I have no choice in a way. And I use to get through it and that does not work for me. I have not learned balance yet and maybe I never will. What works best is me just writing, in our living room, finding out what I feel, who the fuck I am. This is goin to be short, I think…
About NY, it was swell, we raised some funds for McAuley and no one got hurt. What more can ya ask for? I was really relieved that it all went as swimmingly as it did. It was great that a lot of y’all were there. That felt really magical. Fleshing ourselves out from the screened in world in which we live. It was hard to keep focused, it was overwhelming and I was just tryin to take it in. Arthur Bradford’s song made me cry. It was so funny, clever, moving and just wonderful… he was first and what all he said and how he said/ sang it broke cracked the layer I had around me, and was like a fishhook draggin me into my body and feeling. I didn’t stay there – present, feeling, but for that time… it was safe to and it felt good. It was all very intense and I pulled back till I was just watching it from a pinhole. Thistle playing was great, coz I know folks was waiting to see if we suck. And they were really great, Speedie spoke to the audience and they really brought that family thing, inclusive – instead of that, “we’re here, yer not, look at us, aren’t we the coolest…” bullshit. And the were great. Folks that I KNOW would be honest, if not to me, then to their manger Brian Young. Debbie Harry, Tatum O’Neal, Asia Argento and Shirley Manson all said they were fuckin great. They said swell stuff to Speedie, to me, to Astor and we tried to hold on to it. Speedie said she felt like Cinderella. I think we all did. Now she ain’t in no Gary Graham hand sewn on dress, I can tell ya that! No make-up, which is the usal and what we all prefer, coz she hates takin the shit off and we have to live with a girl that has days old make-up on, and it gets on the towels like she is leaking ink. She is wearing thick socks, thermal underwear, a plaid nightshirt (it is chilly here) and a fuckin beret. She is tryin to talk on the phone and I am reading this to her to distract her. It is not working. Astor is making a split pea soup. He is the cook and caretaker and makes the best soup and thank the Lord for him. Thor is playing a video game on his PC, no play station in this house, not yet anyways.
Pittsburgh was fun, very laid back. Our hotel was right across from the baseball stadium so Astor took Thor while Speedie and me walked along the river and digested it all. There was a restaurant with Easter eggs for kids, and we gave a few to Thor and then we stood there opening them to find the stuff we wanted. The staff was uh, horrified, but said nothing. We were helpless in the face of free CANDY. And all the shows were done. After so long of preparing and all that went into getting ready, it was all over, this was our day off. We left the next day for back home.
Thor said, “how come you get to eat so much candy.” And I said uh, sagely, “Coz we’re bigger.” But that worked and we tried to be more discreet as we stuffed Peanut Butter cups into our mouths.
Speedie& I worked out on the plane ride back, she taught me how. She is friendly to the staff and they let us hang in the back. We held the sitting/ squat position for 4 minutes, one of the flight attendants timed us. We did standing up pushups against the galley back wall in the plane. I don’t know what Speedie did in the bathroom, but she came out with quite a sweat. Just kidding. The next day Zwan was here, and Billy Corgan came over to our house, which was really fun. He laughed when he saw our living room – where I write, the stacks of stuff – the mess. He said he wanted to see where it all takes place and as he did, his facial expression was very similar to the waitresses in Pittsburgh watching their Easter Eggs raped. It is a big mess. Thor got Billy to watch him play a video game, Lego Island Racing, I am sure it was the highlight of Billy’s tour.
He and Speedie disappeared together - we met up after the show. I heard they had matzoh ball soup. Jimmy Chamberlain offered to give Thor a drumming lesson, which Thor wants. Speedie was on the side backstage, we were in the audience. The show was mind-blowing. It was. Billy is. Get the new Zwan if y’all ain’t yet. We been listening to it non-stop… I really am now into that song Heartsong… “I still love my mom…” makes me…
The next night we all went out to this really amazing vegetarian gourmet restaurant, Millennium,. I was gonna write about it and they used that we were there for some gossip columns so it was free. And I wanted to take Billy out, coz I think folks always expect him to pay, and he knows I ain’t got no money and I don’t. Really. Maybe one day that will change, but for now… every month is a hustle. Billy left a $100 tip. The story I wrote about the dinner will be out in 7x7 mag soon. He liked the story. I nailed some shit that I didn’t know, couldn’t express until I wrote it. Billy agreed with it. It is strange how I can feel something and not know it, understand it in this part of my brain, but it is wrapped up, until I write and then I go, “aha!” I have no idea, just like a vague tingle like an asleep limp is slowly being stepped on, and it takes walkin on it some for the life to flow back into it… but it comes, uh, moves me some place else…
Arthur Bradford came to town and this guy Chris Sullivan, fuckin legend of a guy, he wrote this exhaustive book on punk called, well, “PUNKS”. We happened to have it, I didn’t even know who he was till we were scarfing sushi with him. They want to put Thistle in the first issue of the new mag he is doing with Marlon Richards in the UK. It was great to see Arthur here in SF right after NY. I do dig that guy, ever person does, he is charismatic like that. He interviewed me for the next issue of 7x7, their anniversary. He was here for Egger’s wedding. I do love Dave and know him and Vendela will continue bringin’ wonderful gifts to the world. I got to speak to Zadie Smith (author of White Teeth), she said great stuff to me, givin’ me confidence and permission to write that lasted a whole weekend!
Some other stuff, y’all should check out: Strapped For Cash, by Mack Friedman
Here is an excerpt:
http://www.alyson.com/html/strapped/strapped_excrpt.html
It is fuckin great book! Just check it out… buy it, you will be impressed.
What I am reading, or was, Motherless Brooklyn by Jonathan Lethem, very into it but I lost it somefuckinhow! And I LOVED it. So into it. So until I get to a book store and can steal another one, heh-heh, did I say steal? I meant buy, buy, buy… yeah, I started reading the BFI Film Classics which is “a series of succinct, finely written,
beautifully illustrated books that honor the great films of world cinema…” So they ask different writers to write about a film. And actually they asked me to write about My Own Private Idaho and I am very excited about doing it. I just read Salmon Rushdie on Wizard of Oz. I think the Wizard of Oz, like all films or books or records that have great resonance, deals in the universal unconscious. I am massively moved by Mr. Rushdie's ability to translate the language of the unconscious. And I think I have that about Idaho. I haven’t explored all of what that films means to me, pulled back the layers, what it means to others… I am looking forward to the journey. I hope they still want me to do it.
I also got way into MTV’s Real World/ Road Rules Battle of the Sexes. I fuckin dug that show. And I have to say, I so like Ruthie. She always is so fuckin just… great. I love the t-shirt she wore that said, “I lie to boys” on it. Right on Ruthie! She just has so much heart, passion and in those shows, yer fuckin core comes out, her essence is just so pure guts and heart. She’s got her shit, but she battles with it as honestly as she can. When the folks on the show, her group, hear about the next fucked up challenge she just laughs, she’s game. And she is one of the few that does not come from privilege, she’s suffered and has the core to show for it. I never thought I would be waxin all over a reality show someone, but man, I wish there were more Ruthies in the world.
I am into like the rest of the world, the new White Stripes. The Statistics (on Jade Tree) and this band I really like called Earlimart http://www.earlimartmusic.com/
Stuff is startin to really happen for Thistle and we be excited, and I’ve been writing a lotta music, all us, Astor, Speedie and me in our kitchen, and that fills me more then most anything. Even more then dark organic chocolate. Which I am out of coz Speedie found my fuckin supply. I need to tape in to my stomach Midnight Express style, but look where it got Billy Hayes. Do they make dark organic chocolate in Turkey?
The Heart Is Deceitful Film is happening and it is so scary, exhilarating and challenging. Winona is in the film and I don’t know what I am allowed to say or not so until I clear with Asia, I gotta… ya know, shut-up. We finished the script, just goin over it, she really is involving me, which is both painful and moving. I try to remove myself emotionally from the subject and just remove the feelings, be subjective so I can be of some use. Otherwise it gets… messy… I cant future trip. About anything. Day At A Time gotta be where I be at ya know.
Ok, I gotta eat some of that soup, I hear Astor’s spoon clinkin and I think that is a passive-aggressive way of him sayin it is done, coz he aint got out the cowbell and hollered, “Soups on!” like he soup dagnamit! Cant get decent caretakin round here!
D’oh!
Thanks again for all y’alls bein there and just remember, I want to fuck shit up (in a munificent way), so get into the art, not the creator.
Yours, JT
posted by JT LeRoy at 2:42 AM
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