January 11, 2003

Been buried in writing again - NEW BOOK,(PRAISE THE LAWD!)
got the wagon wheel out and am firmly gilded to it and it don't hurt so bad, cept when it does that rotation thing (as wheels are wont to do). I fuckin HATE writing, but i hate not writing worse. It is just the concentration thing, and uh thinking in general. It is when I am writing I wistfully re-watch them Francis Farmer ice-pick through the eye lobotomy scenes... I
would rather read the fuckin Fingerhut catalog... which is lookin mighty tempting... I am obsessing over Fudgesicles. Really wanting to go out and buy like a case of them. Write my book or go get Fudgesicles?
What would Jesus do?
Right! Off to the store... Nobody is calling me or emailing me, it as if the universe is actually colluding in giving me time and space to write! Can I fuck it up! Ya betcha! Ok. Back to work... Wait, is it time to slop the pigs? Milk the goats? Scale Mount Mckinley or at least a grape?
Pray for me... this is sorta hell, I mean I've known worse, but it sucks. I just want it done. It is like having lockjaw and food poisoning, the vomit just has to come out... I know I will romanticize it later and long to be in my next book. But I am tellin ya now... I HATE THIS, process thing. I like immediate eradication or gratifaction, gosh durnit! (But I dig it too, don't tell myself that tho, me hates to hear it, ruins the whole mad artist at work thang)....
yers in Taw-cha... jaytay