January 05, 2003 - 8:19 p.m.
Sorry been away… just in that pre-new years weirdness…
I met with director Steven Shainberg, he took Speedie, Astor & me to lunch, great Japanese restaurant Ozume. Shainberg did that great film SECRETARY, which if y’all ain’t seen, I recommend. He is way interested in making SARAH, which I think would be a great match on so many levels. The fairy tale quality of his film, just the colors the film is imbued with and he so appreciates the complicated emotional relationships of folks.
Ya know that scene in Willie Wonka, where Charlie drinks that bubbly stuff and cant get down and he is rising right toward a flesh-shredding blade? He has to burp his way down… force himself to belch, release this gas from inside to lower himself and save his life. And man, I been thinking bout that coz when I write, there is always that, floating tra-la-laaa (yes, a nod to Capt Underpants for them in the know) off aspect, but then there is the real kinda forceful shit, like I have to uh, burp up… coz I float too much and there are the flesh-shredding blades right up in front of me again and I go, “dang how the heck they get there?” And it is like that writing this. Do I just report whass goin on? I don’t or cant always be in what I am feeling, like a satellite positioning system… most the time I ain’t got a clue, till after I get nicked… so I guess this’ll just have to be a mix and you’ll have to have faith that when I am all cerebral there is more goin on. Don’t worry, I know… I do. And it is the best I can do. And don’t worry either bout me floating off into it, coz like Charlie, there is a swift razor that only let’s me drift just so much up… I also got a fuckin good team that bring me down fast…
Ok, this is a week later:
I saw Gang Of New York last night and just have to write about it, been on my mind all day. When I was watching it, which I will say was at home, on video, I was very mesmerized. I’ve read and heard such fucked things bout the film I was really expecting it to be a disaster. But I still really wanted to see it coz it I am very into that whole time period, the way poor folks lived, survived – the way societies were formed through all of it. And I dig that look, more tho the Bowery Boys look that came later. Anyways… the film conveys the atmosphere so convincingly. I mean this is fuckin Scorsese, not a Disney film… Ok, firstoff I am gonna put some spoilers in here I think, plot stuff, that if ya aint seen it, ya might not wanna read this if ya don’t want some stuff ruined, but it ain’t like a murder mystery either, I mean ya know what is gonna happen, just wanna warn ya. It is great to see Leonardo back, he is really a good dang actor and it just shows you that when he has the material he can shine. But Daniel Day-Lewis… is just so perfect. Ok, lemme get into this… Jack’s (Leonardo) father is killed in a gang war by The Butcher (Lewis), Jack is a kid, witnesses it. Jack swears vengeance… is in reform school, gets out and returns home to the worst area of NY, the Five Points. And Astor, Speedie and I had a big discussion about how, was it made to look worse then it was, folks were still folks, but as Speedie said, its like being in a constant war - when you have a bunch of children coz you don’t expect many to live past 5, when you live like an animal, you do change, most folks loose those qualities we think of as humanity. You become numb and just about ruthless survival. I saw that on the street.
Anyways… Jack becomes an apprentice to The Butcher, who becomes like a father to him… Jack even saves The Butcher’s life in an assassination attempt. Jack is tortured by his reflexive act. Now, who is to say that The Butcher is not a better father than Jack’s blood father? The Butcher is ruthless at survival. But he knows he is in the jungle and he knows thems the laws of survival. He even honors Jack’s Father as a worthy noble opponent. Ok, the thing is… Jack chooses vengeance rather then having The Butcher as a Dad, Butcher even says, “I never had a son…” and then affectionately ruffles Jack’s hair. And thinking about it later… it just bugged me, I just think it went the route of cliché battle, “VENGENCE IS MINE!” stead of the more interesting (to me anyways) of taking on a father, even though you know he killed your blood one. That has been done before too, but it coulda… been more interesting… And I don’t believe that Jack would be able to hold on to the rage at The Butcher after being given what he craved…a father… maybe the rage would turn other places… and ya know, we care about Jack… then he tries to kill The Butcher, the Butcher injures Jack, but does not kill him… but ya know, just in case we still care about The Butcher, coz he is the one really that is betrayed. He killed Jack’s father in agreed upon war. The Butcher is straight up bout the way he works. But then they have him kill this guy that Jack’s gang gets elected, The Butcher stabs him in the back… they gotta make sure ya remove yer sympathies with this guy so Jack can rightfully do him in. And they work in the draft riots, where so many were murdered. I’ve seen TV shows about this event, they just mention briefly, the “orphanage for Negroes” that the mob is heading toward. I believe all those children there for the most part were murdered… these are the folks, capable of slaughtering defenseless children that, The Butcher keeps in line. He does so with fear as he says. And who’s to say he is wrong? Love sure ain’t gonna work. So, anyways… it just all bugged the shit outta me. It is a very disturbing film… the shear violence of it, which I aint opposed to when it just feels more fuckin honest… not just to prove points, it is not a film that after ya go, I am moved to another place… which is the experience I really dig havin after I watch a film. And like I said, I was diggin it while I was in it, watching it, but it could’ve been so much more… the political shit was interesting, the gray areas of survival, stead of this black and white, good vs. bad… Jack has a black in his gang, he is good. Butcher hates them. Nother reason to know he is the bad guy. Ya know? But it was really the Father stuff. Maybe coz that is what I am writing about, and I am writing again… my book and it is really taking over, I love it, it is saving me. I got back into it by reading it to Billy (yeah, Corgan). I needed someone I could really trust to read to, trust their ears and response, coz I needed permission to go on. And he feeds me in just the right way. To know, yeah, it’s good, good enough for my first draft, go the fuck on. He is good to read to.
And the film I saw that really uh moved me, which surprised the fuck outta me, was, (DRUM ROLL) : Gold Member. Just kidding. But close… Spiderman. Fuckin perfect film, just overlook all that goofy stuff, NY RULEZ / AMERICA RAH RAH, stuff… it just hits all the themes… much better then GANGS OF NY… I saw that film and understood a lot more then when I saw Gangs… and I cant put it into words, but it deals with a lot of what I am dealing with… and even ok, that fuckin Disney fuckin film, LILO & STITCH. First Disney film I’ve seen that gets shit right.. .yeah there is some of that oh fuck me Disney shit, but just really at the end. Film had me man, had me in tears from the get go and not in that fuck you man, manipulative way… it was truthful… A badass social worker modeled on Samuel Jackson from Pulp Fiction called Mr. Bubbles? The girls have nothin to notice chests and flesh on they hips and asses, no sorry ass princess bitches here, thank the Lawd! But the story… it works… the search for family and redemption is much more truthful in these “cartoon” stories, then this realistic-type film… and anyways I think fairytales are the most truthful stories we tell… about our universal fears, desires, all that… and they are complicated… our loyalties, our heart, betray our intentions.
So yeah, I think Gangs is interesting to see. I really do wanna see it on DVD, Scorsese’s cut. There might be more shades of gray in that one… but I doubt enough…
I want to tell y’all I seriously recommend the new JETS TO BRAZIL record, called Perfecting Loneliness. It is a fuckin great! I cannot stop listening to it. Blake Schwarzenbach former band was the fuckin awesome Jawbreaker, a huge favorite of mines. This is the Jets best record and it was produced by another artist I am in awe of, J. Robbins (Jawbox, Burning Airlines). I just interviewed him and he was the most down to earth modest just fuckin great guy… man…
Zwan is out soon, and that will conquer the world, bring back fuckin rock, wipe out a lotta bullshit and just make the world safe for serious lighter fluid to be spent.
Ok, back to my book. I am in it and the Lord said, LET THERE BE LIGHT! Please God, let me the light stay on, my door open, I need it… God do I need it. It is my way to survive… I’ve had some scary fuckin dark times recently… ain’t we all.. ?
Seey’all soon.
--JT
Casting thing… Got this email from John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig & the Angry Inch) and think some Termies would be very into this…
hey, just wanted to let you all know about the new film i'm directing. it's all explained at: http://www.thesexfilmproject.com/
We need help with casting (agents aren't being helpful because of the unusual explicitness) so i'm asking everyone to spread this message around to anyone who might be interested in the project--and not necessarily union or even experienced actors. i'd prefer that people whom I don't know go through the first round of auditions and submit a video, but if there's anyone you want to specially recommend, let me know their name and contact info. If they have agents, they should contact our casting director, susan shopmaker, directly at 212 686 5502. also, if you have some ideas to publicize the casting process, lemme know, cause we don't have money for ads. (we'll take just money too--financing ideas are welcome!) thanks, john cameron mitchell
I met with director Steven Shainberg, he took Speedie, Astor & me to lunch, great Japanese restaurant Ozume. Shainberg did that great film SECRETARY, which if y’all ain’t seen, I recommend. He is way interested in making SARAH, which I think would be a great match on so many levels. The fairy tale quality of his film, just the colors the film is imbued with and he so appreciates the complicated emotional relationships of folks.
Ya know that scene in Willie Wonka, where Charlie drinks that bubbly stuff and cant get down and he is rising right toward a flesh-shredding blade? He has to burp his way down… force himself to belch, release this gas from inside to lower himself and save his life. And man, I been thinking bout that coz when I write, there is always that, floating tra-la-laaa (yes, a nod to Capt Underpants for them in the know) off aspect, but then there is the real kinda forceful shit, like I have to uh, burp up… coz I float too much and there are the flesh-shredding blades right up in front of me again and I go, “dang how the heck they get there?” And it is like that writing this. Do I just report whass goin on? I don’t or cant always be in what I am feeling, like a satellite positioning system… most the time I ain’t got a clue, till after I get nicked… so I guess this’ll just have to be a mix and you’ll have to have faith that when I am all cerebral there is more goin on. Don’t worry, I know… I do. And it is the best I can do. And don’t worry either bout me floating off into it, coz like Charlie, there is a swift razor that only let’s me drift just so much up… I also got a fuckin good team that bring me down fast…
Ok, this is a week later:
I saw Gang Of New York last night and just have to write about it, been on my mind all day. When I was watching it, which I will say was at home, on video, I was very mesmerized. I’ve read and heard such fucked things bout the film I was really expecting it to be a disaster. But I still really wanted to see it coz it I am very into that whole time period, the way poor folks lived, survived – the way societies were formed through all of it. And I dig that look, more tho the Bowery Boys look that came later. Anyways… the film conveys the atmosphere so convincingly. I mean this is fuckin Scorsese, not a Disney film… Ok, firstoff I am gonna put some spoilers in here I think, plot stuff, that if ya aint seen it, ya might not wanna read this if ya don’t want some stuff ruined, but it ain’t like a murder mystery either, I mean ya know what is gonna happen, just wanna warn ya. It is great to see Leonardo back, he is really a good dang actor and it just shows you that when he has the material he can shine. But Daniel Day-Lewis… is just so perfect. Ok, lemme get into this… Jack’s (Leonardo) father is killed in a gang war by The Butcher (Lewis), Jack is a kid, witnesses it. Jack swears vengeance… is in reform school, gets out and returns home to the worst area of NY, the Five Points. And Astor, Speedie and I had a big discussion about how, was it made to look worse then it was, folks were still folks, but as Speedie said, its like being in a constant war - when you have a bunch of children coz you don’t expect many to live past 5, when you live like an animal, you do change, most folks loose those qualities we think of as humanity. You become numb and just about ruthless survival. I saw that on the street.
Anyways… Jack becomes an apprentice to The Butcher, who becomes like a father to him… Jack even saves The Butcher’s life in an assassination attempt. Jack is tortured by his reflexive act. Now, who is to say that The Butcher is not a better father than Jack’s blood father? The Butcher is ruthless at survival. But he knows he is in the jungle and he knows thems the laws of survival. He even honors Jack’s Father as a worthy noble opponent. Ok, the thing is… Jack chooses vengeance rather then having The Butcher as a Dad, Butcher even says, “I never had a son…” and then affectionately ruffles Jack’s hair. And thinking about it later… it just bugged me, I just think it went the route of cliché battle, “VENGENCE IS MINE!” stead of the more interesting (to me anyways) of taking on a father, even though you know he killed your blood one. That has been done before too, but it coulda… been more interesting… And I don’t believe that Jack would be able to hold on to the rage at The Butcher after being given what he craved…a father… maybe the rage would turn other places… and ya know, we care about Jack… then he tries to kill The Butcher, the Butcher injures Jack, but does not kill him… but ya know, just in case we still care about The Butcher, coz he is the one really that is betrayed. He killed Jack’s father in agreed upon war. The Butcher is straight up bout the way he works. But then they have him kill this guy that Jack’s gang gets elected, The Butcher stabs him in the back… they gotta make sure ya remove yer sympathies with this guy so Jack can rightfully do him in. And they work in the draft riots, where so many were murdered. I’ve seen TV shows about this event, they just mention briefly, the “orphanage for Negroes” that the mob is heading toward. I believe all those children there for the most part were murdered… these are the folks, capable of slaughtering defenseless children that, The Butcher keeps in line. He does so with fear as he says. And who’s to say he is wrong? Love sure ain’t gonna work. So, anyways… it just all bugged the shit outta me. It is a very disturbing film… the shear violence of it, which I aint opposed to when it just feels more fuckin honest… not just to prove points, it is not a film that after ya go, I am moved to another place… which is the experience I really dig havin after I watch a film. And like I said, I was diggin it while I was in it, watching it, but it could’ve been so much more… the political shit was interesting, the gray areas of survival, stead of this black and white, good vs. bad… Jack has a black in his gang, he is good. Butcher hates them. Nother reason to know he is the bad guy. Ya know? But it was really the Father stuff. Maybe coz that is what I am writing about, and I am writing again… my book and it is really taking over, I love it, it is saving me. I got back into it by reading it to Billy (yeah, Corgan). I needed someone I could really trust to read to, trust their ears and response, coz I needed permission to go on. And he feeds me in just the right way. To know, yeah, it’s good, good enough for my first draft, go the fuck on. He is good to read to.
And the film I saw that really uh moved me, which surprised the fuck outta me, was, (DRUM ROLL) : Gold Member. Just kidding. But close… Spiderman. Fuckin perfect film, just overlook all that goofy stuff, NY RULEZ / AMERICA RAH RAH, stuff… it just hits all the themes… much better then GANGS OF NY… I saw that film and understood a lot more then when I saw Gangs… and I cant put it into words, but it deals with a lot of what I am dealing with… and even ok, that fuckin Disney fuckin film, LILO & STITCH. First Disney film I’ve seen that gets shit right.. .yeah there is some of that oh fuck me Disney shit, but just really at the end. Film had me man, had me in tears from the get go and not in that fuck you man, manipulative way… it was truthful… A badass social worker modeled on Samuel Jackson from Pulp Fiction called Mr. Bubbles? The girls have nothin to notice chests and flesh on they hips and asses, no sorry ass princess bitches here, thank the Lawd! But the story… it works… the search for family and redemption is much more truthful in these “cartoon” stories, then this realistic-type film… and anyways I think fairytales are the most truthful stories we tell… about our universal fears, desires, all that… and they are complicated… our loyalties, our heart, betray our intentions.
So yeah, I think Gangs is interesting to see. I really do wanna see it on DVD, Scorsese’s cut. There might be more shades of gray in that one… but I doubt enough…
I want to tell y’all I seriously recommend the new JETS TO BRAZIL record, called Perfecting Loneliness. It is a fuckin great! I cannot stop listening to it. Blake Schwarzenbach former band was the fuckin awesome Jawbreaker, a huge favorite of mines. This is the Jets best record and it was produced by another artist I am in awe of, J. Robbins (Jawbox, Burning Airlines). I just interviewed him and he was the most down to earth modest just fuckin great guy… man…
Zwan is out soon, and that will conquer the world, bring back fuckin rock, wipe out a lotta bullshit and just make the world safe for serious lighter fluid to be spent.
Ok, back to my book. I am in it and the Lord said, LET THERE BE LIGHT! Please God, let me the light stay on, my door open, I need it… God do I need it. It is my way to survive… I’ve had some scary fuckin dark times recently… ain’t we all.. ?
Seey’all soon.
--JT
Casting thing… Got this email from John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig & the Angry Inch) and think some Termies would be very into this…
hey, just wanted to let you all know about the new film i'm directing. it's all explained at: http://www.thesexfilmproject.com/
We need help with casting (agents aren't being helpful because of the unusual explicitness) so i'm asking everyone to spread this message around to anyone who might be interested in the project--and not necessarily union or even experienced actors. i'd prefer that people whom I don't know go through the first round of auditions and submit a video, but if there's anyone you want to specially recommend, let me know their name and contact info. If they have agents, they should contact our casting director, susan shopmaker, directly at 212 686 5502. also, if you have some ideas to publicize the casting process, lemme know, cause we don't have money for ads. (we'll take just money too--financing ideas are welcome!) thanks, john cameron mitchell
posted by JT LeRoy at 11:19 PM
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