Dear Diary

What could be everybody's focus now in the outrage and violence of W. Virginia’s mining disaster beyond rubberneckin' carpetbaggers plying for ratings on TNN? Those D.C. folks increased the level of toxic gas allowed by law while decreasing the $ paid in fines for safety violations. Folks who elected Gee Dubya on faith in Jesus got the door slammed in their face. Hoodwinked that Kerry supported gay marriage and was a traitor to the flag. While the truth rots in the entrails of the editorial offices of the papers of record the people of W. Virginia salvage their spirit from gristle and bloody bone. Betrayal at the hands of the self proclaimed savior. …

Deadwood is about all this. I really cannot stress enough to y'all how absolutely genius emotionally relevant Deadwood is.

Season two will be out on DVD in Feb, and then we start up in March for season 3. I am in perpetual awe, waves upon waves of elation of the brilliance of this show… I never tire of watching any episode, I feel sad for folks that only watch it once, coz there are layers to find – same as if you re-read a favorite book, in that sense alone it is beyond a show.. . tis is a novel of epic proportions. Watching David Milch craft and create, I am aware of the grace of being.I feel myself absorbing and growing in measures I thought not possible. It is similar to how it was when I was working with Mary Gaitskill… for a long time I couldn't even locate that there was any difference -- that the "teachings" she was giving me were making any impact on me. I felt so thick… but it was getting in, it was being absorbed, it is almost unconscious, how it gets internalized
and I find it in my work. It was after that work with her I wrote Meteors and then Sarah.

I was on the radio last week, on Xmas eve, went on KPOO, a jazz show. My friend – he celebrates Billie Holliday's birthday and Charlie Parkers – those are the days he takes off. Much better idea then Hallmark sanctioned days, give em time, they will make Mingus B-day cards to pass to yer granny. Some folks heard it, it was online -was a very last minute thing, like hanging out and the DJ was covering a show and said, wanna be on? It was not planned, but it was cool. He made a CD and I think we can stream it. Adi heard it and wrote a swell thing on it. Nancy, too. I was nervous at first but then it was fun. I read from Sarah. That was weird, coz I'd kinda forgot some of it. Very different having a baby in your lap, all the smells and just dealing with it's vapors… it might as well be a ghost. It was good for me, coz I can feel like it does not exist. Like what are we talking about? Oh, there is a book, it is real. Ya cant take that away babeees…

I don't dislike Xmas, it just is so very strong the association of being outside an imagined other… the streets are so still and it feels like all the world is snuggled, safe in anticipated joviality –just like on all the commercials and TV shows. Even if you are a punk, and scoff at all that – the very desolateness of the streets, can catch the steel-woolliest of throats. It does mine… of what it should look like. That what ever family you have made at present, ain't as good as that Hallmark one…

I saw King Kong and it just hammered me. What a fuckin moving film and I am not a King Kong fan, but this one… they botch the ending tho…(SPOILER!!!! Uh, if you don't know the story…)
When Naomi Watts is up on the Empire State building, after Kong dies… and up climbs the dude, "ANNE…" he says, and the audience here in SF just fuckin’ laughed, coz it was clear – dude, you DO not even compete with this ape… but she moves from her mourning into his arms, when it was so much more… just having her feel the loss… what the killing of this “other” of Kong was, for her… for US to just be in that… but here is the romantic lead saying in affect : You really cannot love the other, it is not appropriate. And then they further shut down any lingering pain we feel about Kong's death by having Jack Black pronounce over his corpse in deadpan, "It was beauty that killed the beast!"

I wanted to jump out my seat and slap the director, but uh he wasn't there.

That's reducing it down. Maybe at first, when Kong initially gets her, she is different looking than the other sacrifices he’s had. But for all we know, he finds her ugly. Just coz our society says blond non matted hair and blue-non-red-shod eyes and white non-fang like teeth are desirable traits, does not mean Kong thinks so? I mean, in many cultures a skinny gal is the uglier one, signifying lack of wealth and health. Maybe Kong thinks she is the funniest funkiest looking creature he ever fuckin' saw. SO maybe it ain't her looks. She is able to step out of her terror of him as monster to allow him in as a sentient being. She entertains him. She makes him laugh – and through that humanizing connection, they can be. They look at a sunset, the beauty around them and share a Kodak moment.

She understands Kong and a creature capable of nobility, of sacrifice, of pride. He is not an unfeeling monster. And he allows her to make him vulnerable. His being seems to take on meaning having her to protect, to share his world with.

So that end line, just goes against everything we've just been told. It is not beauty that killed him… he is searching for her, when he is chained, the one that understands who he is, not as other, but shares a humanity with him. He will destroy the city to find it. To assert his humanity – to see it reflected in her eyes.

I wonder how this film plays in the mid-east… it seems very allegorical to me of what is going on. How we are taking humanity from a huge segment of the worlds population. We feel threatened as a culture and we must turn them into the monster we must destroy, and deny their humanity.

It aint about beauty. And the when the white man comes to sweep Anne away from her pain of Kong’s death… it just cuts off the emotions. I was weeping… but then when Adrian Brody leaps up to save her… Jesus… Man, you might have the nose Kong was lackin' but the rest don't hold up…

It just took the moment of letting us suffer… the injustice of destroying what we don't understand. She is trying to stop the planes from shooting. The fighter pilot sees her, and is baffled… “what is she doing? Hmm.. I don’t know I don’t care, I know I am here to shoot what does not fit in.” He fires away. I think most of us have had king kong moments, when we are shot down by folks for no other reason then they just don't know what the fuck else to do…

Saw Narnia… LOVED it. Fuck all the religious discussions… it is about story, it is about universal themes… and who gets to survive…? if yer intention is just to cut someone down to rule coz yer a cold heart…. I love the horn that Susan is given to call for help. I got me one of them… I might be blowin’ it now and then.

For me it is a metaphor for art… they can't kill the artist that is true of purpose. Harry Potter, loved it too! Those moments of sexual ambiguity and all that coming of age stuff, handled so lovingly, given its breath. And Potter is noble of spirit, but gets to stare down his liabilities… just swell stuff.

Brokeback Mountain just left me so raw. I know the world well and I am very glad it is being seen. It is playing well in Plano Texas! Bodes well for Sarah… not to mention our awareness…I will write more on it. Just needs to set some.

What did folks think of The Squid and the Whale? Didn't see it.. want to.

I am doing this DJ thing at Sundance. Gus will be there, it's my first time at Sundance. Harper Simon, Ben Foster, some of the O.G. J.T. Types… I am kinda excited kinda dreading it. But I am ALWAYS like that about anything that is not me in bed with a book.

Everyday gotta learn to live all over again…


I should go to sleep.


I wish you all a happy new year that feels safe. Keep the focus on what should be… watch that stuff on the mines and ask… what should be being told there, what they aint digging up yet…

All y'alls support been just, just… Kong putting hand to his heart in appreciation of beauty.

Thank you.

Jt