Jan 8, 2005
Just a fast howdy. I am in a better space right now. Why you ask? Coz I slept a whole mess of hours, not my lately up every two in a blind panic. Also on my lap is a 110g bar of 85% cacao feine bitter vivani bar and ain’t no one can touch it. Everyone else has there dang own. And theirs ain’t 85% thass fer shure. I have moved up to 85%, my addiction is growing. Soon I will just be cutting open and riggin in the fuckin beans! And I got a cup of white green tea goin, but it is my last bag! That is a displeasing event. And I just sneezed and havin no tissues in my immediate area, I wiped it on my flannel plaid pants I am wearin and have been wearin for three days now. And thass fine, coz I got this 85% bar and life is uh yeah bitter sweet. Harharhar.
And coz, check this out… Charlie D'Ambrosio wrote me back! I wrote him how I dug his story, I wrote him before about another story he wrote but I never heard back, and I didn’t expect to, I just felt it was important to thank him for that gift he put out there. But he wrote me! Yay!
This is some of what I wrote him back.
I been sending your story out to everyone. I found it online. I read it every night. I check my email every day to see if you wrote. And then I saw this from you and I was scared to read it. Took me longer to write back. I can barely inhale. You are breathing that rarefied air - I want to be seein what you paint, hearin what you perceive, have people in my world so completely present - way do. Filming a movie. What smells are drifting? What is the light like? What are the name of the plants? That is what I love in writing. Details and Sentences so lovely I just reread them and can only gasp at how ideal they are.
I needed that story. I needed it to remind me what I love and why life is worth sticking around for. Coz there are these moments of brilliance and you never know when they will come at you. And it was there, your story... art and magic and exactness.
I wanted her to stay. To become their daughter. But those are my issues.
It is perfect.
And ya know, some might call it being star-struck, and it ain’t. It is being genius struck. I am like a moth to swell artists. Coz I long for that ability as well. And I don’t care if they are famous or not. Cherry Hood was not known here at all. When I saw her work, it was just a pinkie nail shot, but I recognized the truth of soul in her work. And Jane Gilday… one of the original Termies, she had her art in our show in NYC… and why am I being defensive? I am. And ya know what… that’s too bad for me, coz I like my kid-like wonderment at the glory of humans. Of what can come outta us. Coz we sure know that crap that can… I am well aware of the darkness in my heart. Thass why I love being lost in work that takes me away. Coz my mind is a very dangerous place. And I am evil and goin to hell.. but wait, I digress…
Ok, have y’all been watching Deadwood? I sure am. Again and again. I cant hep it none. It is my favorite HBO show, uh after SPEEDIE’S new show that starts on SUNDAY, Tomorrow! Unscripted! Yeehaw!! We got a gal on HBO! There is this really funny scene were Brad Pitt throws her out of his seat on a set. Y’all will dig it!
Ok, so DEADWOOD… sure I love Bullock and all. But I LOVE Al Swearengen! Le Loup is close close kin to him. I would have to read Sarah again to see. I uh, kinda fergot. I am scared to read Sarah again coz it is painful, all the writer-ly stuff that I would do differently. And The Heart ? Can’t even pretend to read that. I was at that reading in LA and there were 4 folks reading from the film, I mean 4 actors reading from their part in The Heart film. And it was so fuckin painful to hear… I couldn’t take it. And I was surprised too by how it was all from the book. I was kinda shocked. I blocked it out. I really did. It scares me how my brain can so selectively slide open and close those Star Trek doors. That’s one reason I don’t believe in autobiographical integrity. The doors that slide open for me one day change from day to day, and I am never surprised that when discussing a shared experience with someone, they usually say to me, “well that aint tat, t’all how I done seen it that way..not tat tall.”
So back to Al Swearengen… We need more characters like him. Bad guys that are very charismatic. That charm the pants off you while their knife is digging deep in your gut. That just know what to do, how to handle stuff… I admire it and am in awe of it and know it is a genetic type. You have to be born like that. I was often attracted to guys like that, and got the scars to prove it. Like Trixie (again ya gotta watch it). I think a lotta folks are. And the Doc character is so… oh oh oh!!! And then there is Seth Bullock… the “good guy” in spite of himself… I love them all. These are my friends in my happy little world.
I spent some time in South Dakota and am writing about that in my new book, so it has personal interest to me on the history front. I like how they don’t pretty stuff up at all. They still make the choice that we are not yet ready for main character with dreadful teeth. I love how if yer watching a western made in the 60’s they all have those 60’s hair flips and the men have those hippie sideburns and all. Deadwood is the most rational in term of what folks maybe really looked like that I’ve seen in a long time. But the teeth…we are still not there yet. We can not as a culture tolerate rooting for folks that just can not get it together to take care of their teeth. Unpleasant teeth are obliviously the mark of an indisputable villain or low-life. And of course them pretty ladies had Cover Girl mascara too. I know I sure do.
I know I had other stuff to say…
Oh, the funny thing the fashion thing in the NY Post is I am someone that grew up having folks stare at me coz of how freaky I looked in what I wore. Clothes that didn’t fit, too small, too big… ripped, smelly, weird. Or suits that were just odd, when I street preached the Lord’s Hellfire. Or lemme say, when Jeremiah did that. And the thing is my deal with fashion is still very, not the usual. I really look for clothes that are enchanting. That’s why I love Gary Graham. He makes Dickens meets Blade Runner clothes. Story clothes. I don’t at all - at all get folks that wear just plain outfits that cost SO much and no one gives a fuck. The clothes are so just… story-less. They just are meant to take a lot of your wallet and make you blend in. I don’t get those expensive as fuck bags with the alphabet on them. Some random letters stamped on a two grand purse ain’t make no tale cept how, YOU”VE BEEN TAKEN! I do however love the toothless grandmas in China town with their pink knock offs of those bags! Like I look at all the socialite pages that are some of the mags I write for and I just don’t get it. They all just stand there swishin their wine goblets and showin’ off their clothes. Ya know they sure don’t fuckin eat! Or they all puke what they do eat. When I’ve gone to those things I position myself by the kitchen and snag what I can off them little trays. This one I went to, the food tray folks RAN, I mean RAN from me. I chased them down though! Fuck, near had to tackle them! The food sucked anyways. I know it must be a social thing. They like each other, they know each other, they went to the same schools, they have shared subjects, like the opera opening…. I just will never get it. Too me it looks very taxidermy.
So back to.. I love the clothes in Deadwood too. I wear this cowboy hat that Asia gave me. It was her grandfathers. He was a real Italian cowboy. She gave me clothes from him too. I love them so much, I can smell him in them. I can smell stories… and that you can’t buy.
The film is opening in parts of Europe! Italy and France… I think I am goin to Italy for it. Maybe even France. The band too. YAY!!! Ladies, lock up yer chocolate! And UK in the summer. US is almost a done deal! It opens the SF Indie fest Feb 3rd, and THISTLE LLC plays a benefit for the SF INDIE Fest on Jan 21st at
Please come.
Seeya, Jt
And coz, check this out… Charlie D'Ambrosio wrote me back! I wrote him how I dug his story, I wrote him before about another story he wrote but I never heard back, and I didn’t expect to, I just felt it was important to thank him for that gift he put out there. But he wrote me! Yay!
This is some of what I wrote him back.
I been sending your story out to everyone. I found it online. I read it every night. I check my email every day to see if you wrote. And then I saw this from you and I was scared to read it. Took me longer to write back. I can barely inhale. You are breathing that rarefied air - I want to be seein what you paint, hearin what you perceive, have people in my world so completely present - way do. Filming a movie. What smells are drifting? What is the light like? What are the name of the plants? That is what I love in writing. Details and Sentences so lovely I just reread them and can only gasp at how ideal they are.
I needed that story. I needed it to remind me what I love and why life is worth sticking around for. Coz there are these moments of brilliance and you never know when they will come at you. And it was there, your story... art and magic and exactness.
I wanted her to stay. To become their daughter. But those are my issues.
It is perfect.
And ya know, some might call it being star-struck, and it ain’t. It is being genius struck. I am like a moth to swell artists. Coz I long for that ability as well. And I don’t care if they are famous or not. Cherry Hood was not known here at all. When I saw her work, it was just a pinkie nail shot, but I recognized the truth of soul in her work. And Jane Gilday… one of the original Termies, she had her art in our show in NYC… and why am I being defensive? I am. And ya know what… that’s too bad for me, coz I like my kid-like wonderment at the glory of humans. Of what can come outta us. Coz we sure know that crap that can… I am well aware of the darkness in my heart. Thass why I love being lost in work that takes me away. Coz my mind is a very dangerous place. And I am evil and goin to hell.. but wait, I digress…
Ok, have y’all been watching Deadwood? I sure am. Again and again. I cant hep it none. It is my favorite HBO show, uh after SPEEDIE’S new show that starts on SUNDAY, Tomorrow! Unscripted! Yeehaw!! We got a gal on HBO! There is this really funny scene were Brad Pitt throws her out of his seat on a set. Y’all will dig it!
Ok, so DEADWOOD… sure I love Bullock and all. But I LOVE Al Swearengen! Le Loup is close close kin to him. I would have to read Sarah again to see. I uh, kinda fergot. I am scared to read Sarah again coz it is painful, all the writer-ly stuff that I would do differently. And The Heart ? Can’t even pretend to read that. I was at that reading in LA and there were 4 folks reading from the film, I mean 4 actors reading from their part in The Heart film. And it was so fuckin painful to hear… I couldn’t take it. And I was surprised too by how it was all from the book. I was kinda shocked. I blocked it out. I really did. It scares me how my brain can so selectively slide open and close those Star Trek doors. That’s one reason I don’t believe in autobiographical integrity. The doors that slide open for me one day change from day to day, and I am never surprised that when discussing a shared experience with someone, they usually say to me, “well that aint tat, t’all how I done seen it that way..not tat tall.”
So back to Al Swearengen… We need more characters like him. Bad guys that are very charismatic. That charm the pants off you while their knife is digging deep in your gut. That just know what to do, how to handle stuff… I admire it and am in awe of it and know it is a genetic type. You have to be born like that. I was often attracted to guys like that, and got the scars to prove it. Like Trixie (again ya gotta watch it). I think a lotta folks are. And the Doc character is so… oh oh oh!!! And then there is Seth Bullock… the “good guy” in spite of himself… I love them all. These are my friends in my happy little world.
I spent some time in South Dakota and am writing about that in my new book, so it has personal interest to me on the history front. I like how they don’t pretty stuff up at all. They still make the choice that we are not yet ready for main character with dreadful teeth. I love how if yer watching a western made in the 60’s they all have those 60’s hair flips and the men have those hippie sideburns and all. Deadwood is the most rational in term of what folks maybe really looked like that I’ve seen in a long time. But the teeth…we are still not there yet. We can not as a culture tolerate rooting for folks that just can not get it together to take care of their teeth. Unpleasant teeth are obliviously the mark of an indisputable villain or low-life. And of course them pretty ladies had Cover Girl mascara too. I know I sure do.
I know I had other stuff to say…
Oh, the funny thing the fashion thing in the NY Post is I am someone that grew up having folks stare at me coz of how freaky I looked in what I wore. Clothes that didn’t fit, too small, too big… ripped, smelly, weird. Or suits that were just odd, when I street preached the Lord’s Hellfire. Or lemme say, when Jeremiah did that. And the thing is my deal with fashion is still very, not the usual. I really look for clothes that are enchanting. That’s why I love Gary Graham. He makes Dickens meets Blade Runner clothes. Story clothes. I don’t at all - at all get folks that wear just plain outfits that cost SO much and no one gives a fuck. The clothes are so just… story-less. They just are meant to take a lot of your wallet and make you blend in. I don’t get those expensive as fuck bags with the alphabet on them. Some random letters stamped on a two grand purse ain’t make no tale cept how, YOU”VE BEEN TAKEN! I do however love the toothless grandmas in China town with their pink knock offs of those bags! Like I look at all the socialite pages that are some of the mags I write for and I just don’t get it. They all just stand there swishin their wine goblets and showin’ off their clothes. Ya know they sure don’t fuckin eat! Or they all puke what they do eat. When I’ve gone to those things I position myself by the kitchen and snag what I can off them little trays. This one I went to, the food tray folks RAN, I mean RAN from me. I chased them down though! Fuck, near had to tackle them! The food sucked anyways. I know it must be a social thing. They like each other, they know each other, they went to the same schools, they have shared subjects, like the opera opening…. I just will never get it. Too me it looks very taxidermy.
So back to.. I love the clothes in Deadwood too. I wear this cowboy hat that Asia gave me. It was her grandfathers. He was a real Italian cowboy. She gave me clothes from him too. I love them so much, I can smell him in them. I can smell stories… and that you can’t buy.
The film is opening in parts of Europe! Italy and France… I think I am goin to Italy for it. Maybe even France. The band too. YAY!!! Ladies, lock up yer chocolate! And UK in the summer. US is almost a done deal! It opens the SF Indie fest Feb 3rd, and THISTLE LLC plays a benefit for the SF INDIE Fest on Jan 21st at
Please come.
Seeya, Jt
posted by JT LeRoy at 11:23 PM
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